Meaning
by Duchess Winna
Summary: Thayet discovers that Jon is not the man she thought he was. Discontinued.
1. The Ball

**Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns all of these characters; I do not.

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Thayet of Conté's beautiful long black hair was swept up in a bun. Her sparkling hazel eyes were accented by the beautiful color of her dress; a pale green gown with long sleeves and a flowing skirt.

Her shoes were equally amazing; and indeed, as she stepped down, all the men stared. She looked down; she could never get over these sorts of moments.

Her husband, King Jonathan of Conté, took her arm, smiling, and swept her into a kiss. She pulled away. She didn't like Jon being so possessive, silently telling all the other men that she was his wife.

New nobles were coming. Jon nodded apologetically to his wife, and left to greet them. Thayet looked anxiously around the large, crowded room for someone that she considered a real friend.

She saw Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak sitting glumly on a chair. She walked over to him, concerned.

"What's the matter?" she asked him, worried. He didn't answer. "Please tell me," she chided.

He sighed. "Thayet, it's nothing. Don't let me ruin the night for you. It's your annual ball to celebrate your marriage with Jon. I don't deserve to spoil this."

Thayet shook her head. "If you don't tell me, then that _will_ spoil the night. Jon and I don't want one of our best friends to be unhappy on this happy day." She glanced around, a thought coming to mind. "Where's Buri?"

Raoul looked at his hands, not responding.

Thayet raised his chin with her hand. "Raoul, please tell me."

He looked at her, his eyes full of fear. "She's pregnant."

"Buri?" Thayet gasped. Raoul looked down again. Thayet stared in disbelief, then laughed merrily. "That's great, though. She does want to be a mother! This is perfect!"

Raoul bit his lip. "I'm not ready to be a father, though," he said softly. "I love Buri, don't get me wrong," he told Thayet, seeing the queen's eyebrows raise. "It just seems too late for me to learn how to be a father."

Thayet smiled at him. "It's a blessing to have a child, Raoul. You're nervous, but it's not something to fear or be angry about. And you'll learn how to be a parent. You'll be a great father."

Raoul stood up. "Thayet," he told her, grasping her shoulders with his large hands, "I don't know if Buri's going to live through this pregnancy. I don't know what my life will be like without her." He looked his friend in the eyes. "Thayet, you're her best friend. Don't you fear losing her?" His voice was desperate.

Thayet shook her head. "Buri isn't going to die," she told him firmly. "She's in great physical shape. She'll live though it, and so will the child."

Raoul raised his eyebrows. "I don't care about the child, Thayet," he said icily. "I care about my wife." He wasn't going to say any more, Thayet realized.

"I have to go greet some more guests," she told him hurriedly. He nodded, and sat back down, staring at his wife, talking amiably with Duke Baird of Queenscove.

Thayet stole a glance back at Raoul. She loved him; he was a good friend to her. She wished she could be more help, but she couldn't see why he was so concerned.


	2. The Argument

**Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns all of these characters; I do not.

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Thayet looked at Jon. "Buri's pregnant," she told him bluntly. He should know that the leader of the King's Own and his friend was to become a father.

It was after the party, and Jon was tired. This made his mind alert. "What?" he asked incredulously. "The father…is Raoul?" he breathed.

"Is it that hard to believe?" his wife asked him coldly. "Raoul's great. He'll be a wonderful father. He's already doubtful about it, and you don't even believe in him!"

Jon was taken aback at his wife's anger. "Thayet, I'm very happy for Raoul. He will be a great father. I was just tired. I wasn't thinking," he told her.

Thayet stared at him in disbelief. She didn't seem to have heard what he had said. "Jon, you don't believe in things anymore. You aren't passionate, the way you used to be. Mithros, you didn't even let Kalasin become a knight!"

"Thayet, I thought we'd worked that out," Jonathan said, his heart pounding. They hadn't gotten into a fight for a long time. Things were going so well…

Thayet continued. "What happened to the man that I loved? The man that was a great king? The man that the Lioness would give her life for? The man that _I _would give my life for? You aren't that man, Jonathan of Conté." Two tears trickled down her soft skin, but she brushed them away before Jonathan could see them.

"Thayet." Jonathan's voice was soft, and Thayet could tell that she had hurt him. He didn't look her in the eye; he just stared at the floor. "Thayet, maybe we weren't meant for each other after all."

"What?" she asked quickly, staring incredulously at her husband.

"Thayet, you're a remarkable woman. You're beautiful, caring, and strong. I'm not." He didn't seem sad, just thoughtful. "I love you, Thayet. If you want to leave me, you can. I'm not going to stop you."

She smiled sadly. "You never would, Jon." She fingered her wedding ring, staring at the gem. Jon took her hand and kissed it.

"I'm not good enough for you, Thayet. You're the woman that a god deserves, not me."

"I love _you_, Jon," she told him. "You've always been the man that I love." She wasn't sure if she meant those words, she just wanted this to be over. She'd never seen Jon act this way before.

Jon looked at her, hope in his eyes. She sighed; she couldn't break his heart like this. "I love you, Jon," she said, trying to make it sound as sincere as she could. "I really do."

He smiled. "Let's forget about this, then," he told her. "Our love still lasts, then. That's all that matters to me."

His wife nodded, trying to smile.


	3. The Decision

**Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns all of these characters; I do not.

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Jon went to sleep before his wife. Thayet stared at her sleeping husband. She ran her fingers through his hair slowly, not wanting to wake him.

She had loved him, she knew that. But did that love still exist? She didn't regret the angry words she had spoken to him. He was a good man, she thought, but was he right for her?

All of the things Jon had done to make her angry flashed back at her; when she was angry at him for not letting their daughter Kalasin become a page, he flirted uncontrollably with Cythera of Naxen, who was _married_, and to his friend Gary. He had given the girl Kel who wished to become a knight a year's probationary period. He never listened to her advice anymore. She had lost her voice in the affairs of the country. She wasn't a queen anymore. She was just an image.

She felt several tears trickle down her cheek. This time, she didn't bother to wipe them away. She didn't need the power; she just wanted to do her best to make the kingdom better. And her husband, who claimed he loved her above all, was keeping her from doing what she had to do.

She was right. He wasn't the great king that many thought he was. He was a broken man. He had experienced so much, and made mistakes; but he didn't learn from them.

She didn't love him. She couldn't help it. He had been a great friend to her, a great lover, a great man; but she couldn't love him anymore, no matter how hard she tried. He wasn't the same Jonathan of Conté that had married her on their wedding day. He was a king, afraid to offend any of his subjects. She couldn't love a man like that.

Jonathan. Their love had lasted so long. Why couldn't they brave this obstacle?

The answer was clear to her. There was nothing left. There was no love anymore. There was just respect. She respected him, and he respected her. They needed each other, as well. But there was no love. Her tears were coming down quickly now, but she didn't notice.

When morning came, she hadn't slept at all. Sighing, she rose, looking at her husband sadly. She slowly walked out of the rooms they shared, looking back many times.

She needed to talk to Alanna. The Lioness was probably the only person who knew Jon better than she did.


	4. The Discussion

**Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns all of these characters; I do not.

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**

"Thayet? Are you looking for Alanna?" George Cooper, Baron of Pirate's Swoop, asked the queen. Thayet nodded. George could tell that she'd been crying, though he didn't mention it. The queen didn't like it when people tried to patronize her.

George led her to Alanna, who was lecturing Thom about the use of magic for experiments. The Lioness quickly excused herself.

"Thayet. What is it?" Thayet couldn't help but grin. Alanna could always tell when the queen was upset. No matter how hard she tried, Thayet could never hide anything from the Lioness.

"It's Jon," she told Alanna, feeling her eyes begin to water. Alanna looked at her incredulously.

"Jon? What is it?" she asked. The Lioness seemed genuinely concerned, which touched Thayet's heart. She had come here to tell Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau her troubles with her marriage, and she would do that.

The Lioness tucked her red hair behind her ear, waiting. Thayet couldn't procrastinate any longer. "I don't love him anymore," she blurted out. Alanna gasped.

"You don't love him?" Thayet nodded.

Alanna grabbed her arm and led her to a chair. "Tell me what happened," she ordered. "Jon is my friend, and so are you. You two need to work things out."

Thayet shook her head. "I don't love him, Alanna. I can't get around that fact." Alanna gaped.

"Thayet of Conté, you told me this same time last year that you would always love Jon!" she exclaimed. "And now…you say that you don't?"

The queen nodded. "We got into an argument. He doesn't seem to care about anything anymore, Alanna. He's just so distant. He's changed a lot, and I don't know if I even know him anymore."

Alanna chewed on her thumbnail. "Tell him," she told the other woman. "Jon is reasonable. He'll understand."

Thayet buried her face in her hands. Alanna patted her back.

"You have to do it, Thayet. You can't lead Jon on."

The queen looked up at her. "Do you think I should?"

Alanna nodded. "I do."

Thayet nodded. "Then I'll tell him."


End file.
